Great Expectations

After my audition today, I descended into the bowels of the Paris Métro and made my way to the Gare du Nord, where I realized that I had two hours to kill before my train left for Germany. I pondered what do, decided to quickly duck into an internet café, made a quick call to my manager in London to give a report on how the audition went, and then settled into a little Brasserie to have a lunch date with myself and a This American Life podcast.

Oddly, the latest podcast in my ipod was a meditation on the theme of road trips. Ira Glass opened the show with a mini-monologue discussing how it is hard for us as Americans to embark upon a trip without some expectations, without a sense of hope for transformation, for epiphany, for personal betterment, for self-discovery.

As I travel for a living, I found it interesting to sit and listen to the various stories about travel, and the play on people’s romanticized ideas about what travel. I actually found that I related to a lot of the stories on the show. Each time I go on the road for work, I expect or hope to realize some goal, to know myself better, to change my life in a way that I have been thinking about for sometime. This is evidenced in the way I over-pack my bags full with books I hope to read, music I hope to learn, the yoga mat I vow to use everyday, the nice clothes that I say that I will wear in an effort to dress more like an adult as opposed to my college wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans. Each time I pack my bags, I do so with the outlook that this trip away from home is going to give me the time, the energy, and the courage to give myself permission to become the wise, balanced, healthy and knowledgeable person I want to be. Each time I set out for the airport, I set out with high expectations for myself.

This is never more true than when I travel for an audition. Audition trips are always full of the hopes of taking more steps towards my dreams and the expectations to sing as well as I can. This trip, thankfully, went mostly as planned. I finished my novel yesterday on the train (chilling stuff), I talked to Jeremy as scheduled in the evening, I woke up roughly on time this morning, did my morning pages, found a gym to work out in without any difficulty, picked up some food for breakfast, did a little bit of yoga back at my hotel, ironed my clothes, and managed not to get lost on my way to the Bastille (and, no, my audition was not for the Bastille – it was simply at the Bastille). The audition went well, and now comes the hard part of waiting. All I can ever do is to do my best to sing well and expressively (and I think that I did well today) – I can’t control what other people think or do. The most challenging part of the whole experience is to trust that the opportunities that I am ready for will come to me when I need them to and when it is time for them – to trust that the universe will take care of me and that it will conspire with me to help me realize my dreams.

In the meantime, I look a little enviously at the people who gather their belongings at each stop on the train and have the sense about them that they have finally returned home. I'm starting to reach the point where I feel like I've been away from Jeremy a bit too long...we'll see each other again soon enough, though.

Many thanks for the good vibes sent for this morning – they obviously helped enough for me to feel good about my audition, and I greatly appreciated them.